We at High Heels & High Sticks were recently alerted by new member and resident Canadian Clare that Montreal Canadiens backup goalie Mike Condon had, prior to his NHL career, written a 130 page thesis on post-Cold War arms transfer, which he describes as “a real snoozer.”

This made us curious, and we put our investigative minds to the task of tracking down any other goalies who may have written unknown theses. Here is what we turned up:

Dark Passion Play: The History and Influence of Finnish Death Metal
Tuukka Rask, Music
The purpose of this work is to explore the rich history and culture of Finnish death metal and proposing that the reason we as a society love it so much is due to our cold, icy hearts and the unending terror of our eternal darkness.

The Flower That Blooms In Adversity
Jeff Zatkoff, Botany
Observations on the growth patterns of the rare Quebecois flower, Marcus Andreas Fleurious.

Deliver Us From Deliverance: Rural Culture in North America
Shannon Szabados, Anthropology
An in-depth anthropological examination of the culture differences and similarities between country-dwellers of Alberta, Canada, and the southern United States, primarily Georgia.

Think Outside The Bun: Some Thoughts on Tacos
Eddie Lack, Cultural Studies
A cultural analysis of the popularity of the taco in contemporary society as well as its adoption into other cuisines.

Sports Identity and the Commercialization of Persona: How Marketing Can Change An Athlete’s Life
Jennifer and Benjamin Scrivens, Media Studies
This thesis examines and evaluates the marketing and promotion of hockey players in both the NHL and NWHL, starting from the draft and including any promotional contracts they have signed with brands ranging from Bauer to Gatorade. What impact does this have on a professional athlete’s career, and how does it psychologically affect them? Case studies include Connor McDavid, Hilary Knight, and Carey Price.

A Zamboni Drive Away
Antti Niemi, Creative Nonfiction
Memoirs of former zamboni driver and later Stanley Cup Champion Antti Niemi.

The Pinnacle of Fashion: How Europe Shaped the Clothes We Wear
Henrik Lundqvist, History
A history of the relationship between European and New York fashions, and the future of men’s fashion in Europe, focusing on Italian fashion houses.

#MoreHugs: The Benefits of Displays of Affection
Sergei Bobrovsky, Psychology
How can a hug change your mood? Can a kiss really make a scraped knee feel better? This thesis studies the emotional and hormonal responses we experience when sharing a moment with someone we love.

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