Weekly Roundup: Of Skinners, Sticks, and Sick Mitts

We here at High Heels and High Sticks are dedicated to bringing you the most important news. Obviously it makes sense, then, that each week we would bring you the top 10 most important* things to happen in the hockey world, via our very own Top 10 list.

*for a given value of important, i.e. “hilarious”, “ridiculous”, “things that made me roll on my floor from laughter and/or in awe”

10. Jaromir Jagr Passes Mario Lemieux On All-Time Points List
Jagr would disagree that this is important, saying that he’s only passing all these guys because he’s been playing so long. He was asked after the game if he’d play till age 70 to pass Gretzky’s point total, and said, “Hey, I can do it. If somebody can do it, I will do it.”

In future news, the Calgary Flames are removing the corpse of Jaromir Jagr from their ice, still clutching his stick and wearing two pairs of socks with his skates.

9. Sidney Crosby Passes Sticks Too

Sid is nice to goalies.

(so-hockey-eh.tumblr.com)

Geno isn’t.


(so-hockey-eh.tumblr.com)

8. Brianne McLaughlin catches Hilary Knight snapchatting.
Hilary throws shade.

Screen shot 2014-01-12 at 6.36.52 PM

Bonus: Brianne’s husband, Logan Bittle, got into it.

Screen shot 2014-01-12 at 6.40.47 PM

7. The Penguins Inside Scoop twitter gets Mean.
Screen shot 2014-01-12 at 6.49.08 PM

They retweeted some of the best responses…go check it out.

6. Jeff Carter as an Olympian

It would appear that some Canadians are upset over the selection of Jeff Carter to the Olympic team. When picking a team from the homeland of hockey, it was more or less inevitable that there would be dissension regarding snubs and picks, though Canada’s going to have to try a bit harder if they want to beat the U.S. in snub drama. There are of course legitimate arguments to be made for some of the players left off the roster, but saying that Jeff Carter doesn’t deserve to be on it is frankly baffling. The guy just plain scores goals. He was fourth in goals in the league last year and first in his conference. Pretty sure that most US fans would give Blake Wheeler’s left foot to have Jeff Carter change nationalities.

Moral of the story: relax, Canada. Your team is ridiculously stacked.

5. The Winnipeg Jets fired their coach

In what may seem to some an overdue move, the Jets have fired Claude Noel, who has been their coach since they moved from Atlanta. Probably the most amusing part of the affair is that Jets fans are apparently grateful that the firing happened before Randy Carlyle’s. And now that the Jets have a new coach, their playoff appearance is guaranteed!*

4. Jeff Skinner has found his scoring touch

Jeff Skinner has, in 34 games this season, already outpaced his output from last year and is currently on track to score around 50 goals. He’s at a point-per-game pace right now and, as this handy chart shows, is currently serving a vital role on the Hurricanes.

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(source)

It’s great to see Skinner show that skill again.

It would be really great to see some other Hurricanes up their production too. I’m not naming names, but it rhymes with Schmordan Schmaal.

3. Apparently people go to hockey games

CSNChicago posted an article a few days ago comparing sell-outs in hockey and in basketball. Fifteen of thirty NHL teams are averaging sell-outs compared to eight of thirty NBA teams. It would be interesting to see how attendance in general trends through both leagues to see if there’s a wider disparity between average highest attendance and average lowest attendance in the NBA versus the NHL or other nerdy statistic-type stuff.

Looking at the actual teams that average sell-outs, it’s no surprise that all Original Six teams make the cut. Probably the most surprising thing is that a) not all Canadian teams are (though can you really blame Ottawa and Edmonton fans?) and b) two of them are California teams (LA  and San Jose). The latter is really only surprising to people who continually laugh at the fact that California has three hockey teams, since it’s not exactly a secret that hockey is on the rise in the Golden State. Still, it’s nice to have evidence that hockey can still thrive in “non-traditional” markets without big-name stars to boost their numbers.

2. Braden Nienaber has more swag than you

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This inspiration of a child came to do his Children’s Wish Foundation of Canada backed ceremonial puck drop and proceeded to throw Steve Ott out of the faceoff circle. If that doesn’t make you smile, you’re dead inside. Whole story of Braden’s visit here and video of the puck drop at RMNB.

1. Nate MacKinnon is one speedy skater

Colorado may have its issues, but it’s hard to deny that their forward core is pretty dang fun to watch. Here, Nate MacKinnon straight-up out-skates the Islanders defense for an easy goal.

speed

(source)

Watch the video here. Not bad for a kid barely four months past his eighteenth birthday.

*Once they sign a new goaltender. And maybe a new first line center. And possibly another top four defenseman. And perform a ritual sacrifice to the Dark Gods of Hockey. 

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