It’s the most controversial time of the year, or so it would seem: it’s All-Star Weekend! And with some of the game’s biggest stars either injured or not invited, some are wondering how they will make this weekend enjoyable. Fear not, for I bring you great tidings. I have spent a whole fifteen minutes (okay, maybe ten) coming up with a drinking game you can use through the entire All-Star Weekend starting tonight with the fantasy draft.*
*Please drink responsibly.
Shall we begin?
Fantasy Draft Rules
We begin the weekend with the much-loved (by me, anyway) Fantasy Draft. Our captains will go up, make a series of arbitrary decisions, and hopefully there will be some dramatic choices and chirpy banter along the way. Here are the rules:
- Drink when Patrick Kane or Jonathan Toews chirp each other
- Drink if/when the crowd boos
- Finish your drink if they boo Rick Nash
- Drink for every Blackhawks or Team Canada player Toews picks
- If you’re feeling really daring, drink for every “eh”
- Finish your drink if they speculate where Sidney Crosby would have been drafted if he hadn’t been injured.
SuperSkills Competition Rules
Then we move on to what is probably the most fun part of the weekend: the skills competition. Here we watch the players really peacock and show off their stuff. They want everyone to talk about how sick their breakaway move was or how terrified they are of their slapshot.
- Drink for every sponsorship mention
- Drink for every mile over 100 during the hardest shot competition
- Drink for every successful/unsuccessful breakaway (choose which one you’re feeling)
- Drink for every missed shot during the shot accuracy contest
- Finish your drink if someone dons a crazy costume during the breakaway competition
All-Star Game Rules
At last, here is the part of the weekend we are theoretically all here for: the game itself. Of course, we all know the game is usually pretty boring so you’ll probably really need it by now.
- Drink when they change goalies
- Drink for every goal
- Finish your drink if they call a penalty
- Drink for mention of a player’s height or weight
But that’s just the event-specific rules. You want to be fully hydrated all weekend long.
- Drink for every mention of Rick Nash being the former captain and/or first overall draft of the Columbus Blue Jackets
- Drink for every mention of Nick Foligno’s dad
- Drink whenever you wish PK Subban were there
- Drink for every mention of Jonathan Toews’s gold medal
- Drink for every mention of Jonathan Toews and Patrick Kane’s tandem in Chicago
- Drink for every mention of the Kings’ Stanley Cup
- Drink for every mention of injured players
- Drink for every Latvia mention
- Finish your drink when it all gets to be too much
With this guide you should stay well-lubricated for the whole weekend! Feel free to mix and match or add rules as you please. If you’re under the legal age wherever you are, I of course expect you to substitute liquor with Gatorade, the drink of champions (and also one of the sponsors for the All-Star Game) (drink!). Happy All-Star Weekend!