Welcome to the weekly round-up, HANNAH STYLE! Jonesy handed over the reins this week because she’s tired, so y’all are stuck with me. Let’s get started.

 

GOAL OF THE WEEK

This was going to be Sidney Crosby’s shootout goal against Winnipeg, but then while I was writing this post Seth Griffith changed my mind for me. He’s scored leaping through the air like Bobby Orr, he’s scored through his legs with his back to the goalie, and he’s a former London Knight. Kid’s won me over for sure.

FIGHT OF THE WEEK

I don’t really know what to say about this except that why would you do that to yourself, Brayden Schenn? Why? (PS: I love Iggy fights.)

TWEET OF THE WEEK

https://twitter.com/dallaseakins/status/531958239425208320

My favorite sassy coach and his secret favorite forward.

PUCK BOUNCE OF THE WEEK

The above-mentioned Crosby goal. So weird. Clearly it only ended up going in because he’s Sidney Crosby and he told it to. Hashtag puck whisperer.

WOMEN’S HOCKEY HIGHLIGHT

Canada won the Four Nations Cup in a shootout, I don’t wanna talk about it.

(If I did want to talk about it, I would say that Genevieve Lacasse is an amazing goaltender, Hilary Knight is phenomenal and I have a gut feeling she’s gonna make good on that threat to weasel her way into the NHL somehow, and the US women really need to stop shooting themselves in their collective foot with stupid late-period penalties.)

WHAT DON CHERRY WORE

It would figure our pal Don would be reserved and distinguished the one week I get to do the roundup. Very Gryffindor.

TANK WATCH*

*Jonesy is back for this section

5. Colorado Avalanche (4-7-5)

Ah, yes. I believe we used the term ‘statistical cliff’ for the Avalanche at the beginning of the year, and I do believe they are beginning to find it. 5 overtime losses aren’t nothing to sneeze at, points-wise, but when you fall behind Edmonton, that’s gotta hurt the team that seemed to genuinely believe that their success last year was more than luck and good goaltending.

4. Florida Panthers (4-4-4)

Jeez, I cursed the Panthers by mentioning that they hadn’t been in Tank Watch yet, didn’t I? My bad, Florida. My bad.

With twelve games played, they have played the fewest games of any team, so this has gotta be partially due to that. Luongo has been good, and while they have a couple of injuries, they aren’t in the injury deathspiral of hell that they had a couple of years ago, so I think things can get better for them. I really want Florida to make the playoffs soon. I want plastic rats again. Please.

3. Dallas Stars (4-6-4)

God, this is bad. The Stars are having one of those horrible slides — four losses in a row — that Hannah tells me is largely due to poor defense (something people have been noting about their defense for the last few months). I imagine defense is the next thing Jim Nill tackles now that he’s largely conquered the center problem (Tyler Seguin is tied for third overall in points in the league right now) but that doesn’t help them out now. After such a good breakout year last season, it would be a shame to see them plummet.

2. Columbus Blue Jackets (4-9-1)

I don’t want to talk about them anymore. It’s making me too sad. We know the issue: injuries. Let’s move on.

1. Buffalo Sabres (3-11-2)

Ah, here you are. Right where I expected to find you.

I watched the Penguins play the Sabres on Saturday, and I have to admit that as a Penguins fan I felt a bit like I was cheering on the high schooler beating up the middle school kid. I feel bad for the Sabres players. They have to know they’ve been set up to fail.

Right now, they’re the only team in the league with losses in the double digits, they have a goal differential of -34, and according to behindthenet, they’re averaging 21.2 shots for per game making them worst in the league, 4 shots less than the next worst team (surprise, surprise: it’s Calgary, who are somehow eighth in the NHL right now). The Sabres are terrible. More on this story as it develops.